Like Neo in The Matrix, you have a choice to awaken to the truth of who you are or choose to remain unconscious in your relationships and life. Right now, I invite you to choose: the red or blue pill? Whichever you choose will determine the level of stress and tension you experience in your personal and professional lives.
If you chose the red pill, your path to conscious awareness and finding fulfillment begins now... WAKE UP!
1. Identify your core values
Start by writing down a list of all the values that are important to you, as well as any values you admire in other people. When you are done, go back through that list and choose your top five values. These are your core values right now. When you align your life and relationships with them, you give yourself the opportunity to create a life you love. By aligning with your core values, you gain clarity and wisdom which makes every decision you make easier.
If you are married or otherwise partnered, invite your significant other to create their own list as well. When I coach clients who are in relationship, I explain that the relationship itself is its own entity. Successful relationships are those where each person maintains their own healthy boundaries, but each contribute to the relationship much like contributing to a joint bank account. As long as both people are contributing more than they are taking, the relationship will remain viable. So take time to work together creating a list of values you want to see in your relationship, then together choose the top five that are most important to you both. When you are in agreement about your relationship values, you are ready to proceed to the next step.
In my first book, “Why Aren’t You Listening to Me?” I offer many different ways to guide you in creating relationships that are supportive, healthy and appreciative. In my second book to be released later this year, I speak about five elements that make up conscious relationships which form the acronym: TRUCE.
Trust is a key element to any relationship, but especially conscious ones. Without trust you will be unable to practice any of the other four elements.
Truth is a key element in trust. Being authentic in your interactions with others and with yourself is a great way to establish and maintain trust and helps establish the next element…
Respect is the second foundational element to creating conscious relationships. Respect is important to the dynamic in any relationship. If there is no respect of one another, there will always be a divide in the relationship.
Respect also dissolves any power struggles or dynamics that plague unconscious relationships. Recognizing each person is bringing their unique gifts and strengths to the relationship helps inform the next element…
Understanding allows you to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes. It partners with empathy, a skill you can develop to be able to relate to the emotion that another might be feeling in a given moment or circumstance.
Understanding is the next level that allows you to not only see where the other person is coming from, but helps you to anticipate how and why they do the things they do. It is greatly assisted by the next element…
Curiosity is a non-judgmental way to gather more information rather than making a snap judgement or unconscious decision. Being curious about the other person or situation allows for understanding, respect and trust to be present.
When you allow yourself to be open to what others have to say and the reasoning for doing or thinking the way they do, it builds upon your level of understanding and offers opportunities for support and trust. Curiosity is the key which unlocks all other elements and leads to…
The last element of conscious relationships is empowerment. When you have the first four elements in place, it creates the opportunity for incredible, healthy and thriving relationships.
When you are empowered in your choices and when you allow space to empower others in their choices, you shift the control paradigm and create space instead for collaboration and harmony. Having the elements of TRUCE in place creates a beautiful balance in all of your relationships, especially the relationship with yourself.
3. Stop doing these things!
Nothing kills relationships faster than ignoring TRUCE elements, over stepping boundaries or attempting to control and manipulate others.
To create space for conscious relationships, ditch the criticism, snap judgments, demands and passive aggressive behavior. These only add stress and tension to your relationships and keep you focused on competition with the other. Instead I invite you to align with your core values, create healthy boundaries as well as consciously choose how you communicate. Practice the elements of TRUCE or simply take one to focus on if that is all the bandwidth for right now. I recommend curiosity as it is the key to unlock all the other elements.
4. Learn ways to communicate more effectively
In “Why Aren’t You Listening to Me?”, readers learn about four different personality profiles to effectively navigate conversations with the people in your life. One aspect I share is not only how to recognize each type, but also how to identify whether they are acting in a conscious or unconscious manner. When you learn to speak effectively, while also knowing how to reward and motivate each personality type, you connect better with the people around you.
5. The choice is ultimately yours…
The choice of Becoming Aware™ is a personal one. No one can force you to begin the journey of awakening to a new way of being. If you are open to what is happening outside of yourself however, you will see the signs and symbols that are trying to get your attention and help you succeed in life. The art of becoming an observer, recognizing what you are bringing to relationships as well as what you are taking from them are all valuable lessons to your awakening journey.
The Dalai Lama says, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. In bringing conscious awareness to your life and relationships, you empower your ability to create relationships that are balanced, supportive and healthy. ‘Be the change that you wish to see in the world’ and witness your relationships transform.
Teresa Lodato, CPCC is a Conscious Leadership & Relationship Coach and the founder of Becoming Aware™ Coaching.
As a former stressed-out financial services executive with over 20 years delighting clients, Teresa now guides individuals to unleash their sixth sense to level-up their professional and personal relationships and reduce stress. Her clients learn to effortlessly create inspired and motivated relationships that drive results while creating a stable, meaningful work/life integration. Teresa is an author and speaker in addition to being a highly sought-after coach for forward-thinking individuals and organizations. For more information or to learn about the work I do, please visit: www.teresalodato.com